Dead Man's Chest, or Two Hours and Forty Minutes of Action-Packed Nothing-Happens!
So, some time back I remember having a conversation with my friend, Joe and finding it absurd that he didn’t like Spiderman 2. I remember telling him that he hated everything and his response was that he was “discerning.”
I’ve recently taken some similar criticisms and find that my opinion on movies is almost entirely disregarded by friends and coworkers because the expectation is that I’m going to hate a movie and by that logic, no movie can be good when judged with the predisposition of hating it.
Contrary to this consensus, I do not hate every movie I see. Most movies, I find that I’m very indifferent towards. I only hate a select few, Star Wars Episode III, The Constant Gardener, and Basic Instinct 2 to name most that I have hated recently.
Dead Man’s Chest has probably the single best display of make-up and CGI and how their marriage can help create a world where you can’t tell what’s practical from that which is made by a seventeen year-old Asian kid on a Mac. To credit Joe again, I can’t wait until special effects stop saving movies and people actually have to write stories again.
I would offer a spoiler warning here, but I honestly don’t know what the fuck the movie was about. Everyone was looking for Davy Jones chest, but you really have to pay attention and figure out everyone’s motivation on your own, because the movie certainly doesn’t divulge the information. Add that to the problem of breaking the rules of the first movie and you really just have a big messy plot-soup. People just seem to go places for no reason and team up with people for no reason and I found the movie to just be background noise - something to watch only in clips - for no reason.
Therefore, I bestow upon Pirates a single star out of five, but only for the effects. If animation and the like doesn’t do it for you, knock half of that star away and stay home and watch the first one again… it’s actually pretty good. See? I don’t hate everything; I’m discerning.
I’ve recently taken some similar criticisms and find that my opinion on movies is almost entirely disregarded by friends and coworkers because the expectation is that I’m going to hate a movie and by that logic, no movie can be good when judged with the predisposition of hating it.
Contrary to this consensus, I do not hate every movie I see. Most movies, I find that I’m very indifferent towards. I only hate a select few, Star Wars Episode III, The Constant Gardener, and Basic Instinct 2 to name most that I have hated recently.
Dead Man’s Chest has probably the single best display of make-up and CGI and how their marriage can help create a world where you can’t tell what’s practical from that which is made by a seventeen year-old Asian kid on a Mac. To credit Joe again, I can’t wait until special effects stop saving movies and people actually have to write stories again.
I would offer a spoiler warning here, but I honestly don’t know what the fuck the movie was about. Everyone was looking for Davy Jones chest, but you really have to pay attention and figure out everyone’s motivation on your own, because the movie certainly doesn’t divulge the information. Add that to the problem of breaking the rules of the first movie and you really just have a big messy plot-soup. People just seem to go places for no reason and team up with people for no reason and I found the movie to just be background noise - something to watch only in clips - for no reason.
Therefore, I bestow upon Pirates a single star out of five, but only for the effects. If animation and the like doesn’t do it for you, knock half of that star away and stay home and watch the first one again… it’s actually pretty good. See? I don’t hate everything; I’m discerning.
posted by BIG at 2:18 PM
2 Comments:
I don't hate all movies. But I did not like Superman.
Spider-Man 2 is the greatest superhero film of all time. Superman Returns was a boring fucking mess. Although I personally enjoyed the part where Superman dropped the soap in the prison shower.
Go Go Seaplane Cyclops!
I wish Superman had made more money than X3, though... Brett Ratner's career just got extended for another miserable decade. Fuck.
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