This is a Fucking Cylon

So, a couple of years ago, I watched the mini-series of the Battlestar Galactica remake that eventually became the wildly popular series on the Sci-Fi network. Today, I had a discussion with BDC and it made me realize that not only did I not care for the show, but the show isn’t even Battlestar Galactica.

Now, the show is produced by Ronald D Moore, who despite writing some insanely good STNG episodes – not the least of which is Redemption parts I and II – contributed to some real shit-biscuits in the way of Star Trek movies, helping the Antidenberry, Rick Berman, clamp his boot over the franchise’s throat as it gasped for life. Still –Ronald Moore’s involvement doesn’t bother me a bit. I’m overpaid each week to do a job that I’m desperately unqualified to do, just like him. I can’t fault him for taking the money in spite of an inability to deliver.

And it isn’t even that Boomer and Starbuck are now women. I think that’s actually pretty cool. I would have made Starbuck gay, since womanizing should really be a strong character trait, but… whatever.

Here’s what bugs the shit out of me with this show – there’s no fucking Cylons. I know, I know – the blond and the other evil doppelgangers, sure. Listen to me you fucking fan-boy – There are no fucking Cylons on this show. Cylons are chrome, constantly look to the left then right with their cycloptic-laser eye, wear black aprons, and repeatedly say, “By. Your. Command.”

This brings me to my theory – picture Ron Moore, at his house. He’s just gotten the call that he’s been hired to produce the new Battlestar. He pulls out his Mac – you know the pretentious prick has a Power Book – and he does a search and replace on the villain’s names in his epic sci-fi script. He types in the new name: Cylon. Thus the blond Cylon is born. From there, it’s a simple polish – he changes the hero’s name to Apollo, his dad’s name to Adama, and the spaceship is now the Galactica.

I really think that there’s a real issue with the sci-fi audiences of today. There are problems that have come I think from the meshing of true science fiction with the realm of fantasy. The really great science fiction writers of this century, your Phillip K. Dicks, Harlan Ellisons, Ray Bradburys – they’ve all been succeeded by guys like Moore and Brannon Braga, JK Rowling and J Michael Stracynski; great in the sense of prolixity, but not too much in the way of substance. Granted, we’re in a world where you need to produce something right fucking now and once that’s finished, you need to do the next thing and guys that can turn out a pile of not bad really have it way over a guy that will write one great thing in a lifetime. Sadly, they can’t seem to coexist

Please don’t try and convince to watch this mediocrity.

Unless they add fucking Cylons.